HELL!!!

HELL, the online Wikipedia dicitionary says that in many religious traditions Hell is a place of suffering and punishment in the afterlife, often in the underworld. HA, HA, HA! --not so, HELL is right Here on earth. It is found whenever someone is abused whether physically, emotionally or sexually. It is found whenever someone suffers from any incurable disease whether it is Cancer, AIDS, Hepatitis, or a myriad of other conditions. It is found whenever someone is addicted to drugs, alcohol, sex, and gambling.

There's still more evidence of Hell On Earth--loss of a loved one, being homeless, unrequited love, betrayal, mental and physical challanges, war... there is no getting away from it, the list of hell's existence on earth is endless!
I ask, "Haven't you experenced it in some way?"

I certainly have--and here is one of my recent encounters:

It's 8:00 AM Saturday October 10th, Columbus Day Weekend,--getting up early--have lots of stuff to do.

Dunkin Donuts for decafe coffee--hair salon--love getting my nails and hair done--great pick me up. Done, feeling refreshed, now off to Target--returns to do--done, but am hungry and a bit tired so drive across the way to Panera Bread for 1/2 sandwich and 1/2 salad special and a pumpkin spice decafe latte--so good so energizing.

Off to Best Buy to return a Cyndi Lauper CD that skips--love to stroll through the store "just looking" at stuff--feeling wierd--light headed, a little fatiqued--gotta get out of here! Fresh air, ahhh much better. Go to CVS for some other things I need. Finally get home, now I am really exhausted--did too much I guess.

Check my email--delete, respond, save for later--order in dinner. Eat, clean-up, and take a shower. Feeling really fatiqued relax in my den playing my hand held scrabble game. Feeling wierd again-- heaviness and feeling of pressure in my chest--spreading across chest, tightening in chest, shortness of breath--very uncomfortable! Call out to DH and son. Call EMS--feelings getting stronger--EMS here--2 baby aspirins to chew--bitter, taste like sand--blood pressure high--EKG off, spray nitro under my tongue, oxygen mask--strap me to special chair, carry me out to ambulance--put me on gurney. Bumpy ride to ER--arrive, surrounded by staff, taken to room in ER, moved to bed, hooked up to heart monitor, and oxygen. Blood taken, EKG, chest x-ray done.

Early Sunday morning, October 11th, Dr. Schwartz, one of my cardiologists comes to see me--results of tests all in--heart attack, damage to lower right side of heart, sheduled for catherization (angiogram) to see the whole picture. Can't have angiogram on Monday--holiday weekend, have to wait til Tuesday. Meanwhile, hooked up to heprin, and another blood thinner and stable for now--taken to CCU.

Tuesday, October 13th off to Catherization Lab to have angiogram--lab cold like ice, table for procedure hard and narrow. Strapped in, go in through groin--pictures need to be looked over by cardiologist--I wait frozen on table--3 doctors and 2 nurses come in and drop the ton of bricksthat sends me mentally and emotionally straight to HELL! One of the stents I had placed in my main artery in April is already narrrowing, one artery completely blocked, another artery blocked 75% and other blockages. Need to have open-heart bypass surgery tomorrow--can't wait--a serious situation. Overwhelmed and absolutely numb from this news I am taken to recovery where DH is waiting-- he is told the news--another ton of bricks drops on me that once again sends me to HELL just from the look on his face! Scared, frightened, fear takes over for a while before intellect "kicks" in. Words of love, support, reassurance spoken and I can hardly hear due to the numb state I am in. Cardiac Surgery team comes to talk--explain step by step procedure for prep and surgery, sending me deeper and deeper into hell.

My sons ( age 29 and 24) come to visit in evening and I find that now the silent tears are finally beginning to flow--yes, I am a mother and my "chicks" are what I think about above anything else. I am still numb--again, words of love, support, and assurance being spoken. Hugs, kisses, long loving glances and then it is me alone--numb and disconnected!
Miraculously, I am able to sleep a little--thanks to the drugs I have been given.

Wednesday morning, 8:ooAM, October 14th. DH sitting by my bed--gurney is brought in for transporting me to cardiac surgery unit. Anesthesiologist with his team talks with us, head of cardiac team speaks to us and it is time for me to go--more hugs, kisses, hangs squeezed, and off I go into the depths of hell.

Five hours later--eyes opening-- DH and my "chicks" looking at me with big smiles of relief on their faces. I am hooked up to a ventilator, pipes protruding everywhere from me. Then after a bit ventilator cut off--throat raw and hurting but I am able to breath on my own.

I am still numb and am shocked to hear that I had to have a 5 bypass surgery. New arteries for bypasses taken from both inner knees and inner thighs.

This recent encounter with hell ends for now--I am at the dark end of the tunnel moving like a sloth to the light on the other end of the tunnel--the light that is the rest of my life!

To be continued...

ttyl